This trip to New York City is already so different than my last. I was so lost at the end of November and, though I didn't know it at the time, I was going to be lost for awhile. Malinda and I laughed loudly on a much more comfortable bus and the whole time--from the laughter until I saw the city fade behind us--there was a new anxiety I couldn't explain. It didn't leave me for months.

Alicia is here this time and my anxiety, that terribly specific anxiety that was working to tell me something I already knew, is gone. It's a trade I'm glad to make.

We'll be there sometime in the next hour. I will not spend one minute crying or having regrets. Instead I'll let a city that's always been able to dazzle me take me in its arms and dance me through the streets.